What lies in a name!

"What lies in a name,?" a note ironically  undersigned by Shakespeare and underrated by the inhabitants of this nasty world. This phrase may have little repercussions for those with "socially acceptable names," but a life-long stigma for those who were forced to dislike theirs --courtesy, the ever tormenting race called the 'homo-sapiens.'

Born in the laps of unadulterated hills, my name Reshma, always evoked a sense of pride for me. The genesis of the same being that my father chose to name it naively with the thought that the attached 'ma' syllable would remind him of his mother. Whether it really suits the purpose, I know not for I now know a quite lot of other "so-called-societal acceptable-fancy-names," which could have served the same purpose. Yes, like every household my name was distorted to get a pet name and I have since then forever remained, Reshu for my family and Resh for my friends. I remember fiddling through my father's old dairy and coming across a note dated, 22 December 1989: "My dear daughter Reshma turns 1." The name held so much weightage for me and it instantly evoked a smile on my face. Being academically proficient I was always my teacher's pet and loved it when they took my name in the classroom. How happily I stepped onto the stage, every time one of my favourite teacher -- Miss Eugene -- announced my name to felicitate me with academic/non-academic certificates. I particularly remember Class Xth, when I came home with 10 certificates and my mom joked if the principal had been too fond of my name to have it across so many certificates. 

Soon, I had my first ever experience in a co-educational institute. There was a plethora of mixed feelings. Being from a strict convent school, initial interaction with the boys always brought a sense of nervousness. The usual exchange of friendship/proposal letters fluttered us girls (the ones who had switched along with me) with lame giggles. But one thing remained constant, letters always addressed me with my first name. Never an awkward moment there! My ex serenaded me with several poems which always had a sweet description along with my name. 

However, when destiny and my stubbornness planned to send me to Delhi, my name no longer remained an asset to me. I was ridiculed the day I landed the city by my cousin's friends, who giggled the moment my cousin introduced me to them. I could not get it and later when I naively confronted my cousin, she told me and I quote her exact words, "Arey yaar, tera naam to ek b-grade film ka hai..."Reshma ki jawani".. tu to yaha already famous hai." That is probably the last time I met her friends as I was just too embarrassed to meet them again but then I thought to myself may be it's only them.. I wouldn't have to face similar situation again but my self-made assurance was short lived. A week later I moved into the hostel and during the dreaded hostel ragging night, I was once again ridiculed by my seniors due to my name, with one of them even telling me,  "kya yeh movie dekh ke tera naam rakha hai?." I was the butt of some really nasty jokes for a long long time, with my roommate even changing it to "Reshmi Kebab" for it suited me better. I was happy to be called that as long as no one associated it with that defamed movie. My graduation college too had similar incidents and I vividly remember visiting a friend in her college and then feeling literally teary eyed when later a male friend of her's texted, "Yeh Reshma ki Jawani cute si hai." Was that even supposed to make me feel happy? My name became my stigma and everywhere I went I felt awkward to introduce myself. The only place I could openly feel comfortable hearing my name was with my school friends. The rest only made me feel suffocated. The first time I came home for holidays I fought with my mother over my name and so much so that I even told her I was contemplating on getting it changed. She was shocked and in turn rebuked me over my silliness. The negative city life had started showing on me. The same followed me during my post-graduation college however by this time I had matured to laugh at my own name. Everytime I introduced myself to someone, I would wait for them to ridicule my name and at times I too joined in saying, "Oh, yes I know what you are thinking." I found it awkward when people called me by my complete first name and would find solace in just being called Resh. I still carry the abbreviated name as the registered username for most of my social accounts. It gives me a false assurance that I won't be ridiculed here atleast. I have been made to feel embarrassed even at my office and have successfully been able to put up the brave demeanour that it does not affect me. I am fortunate to have my family and close friends, who when call me by my first name, call it with a sense of belongingness and a sense of pride. Times have changed me where I feel more comfortable hearing the curated names but it has also made me stand up against the discomfort caused by rude comments. The stereotype jokes now sound boring. Acceptance and peace with self sure does provide the tolerance level. However, I really wish people were a little sensitive with their remarks but the way the world is heading, I am unsure if this would really be a reality! 

Till then, hoping some Reshma really shines bright and her feat overshadows the embarrassment she would otherwise face!